In Alcoholic's Anonymous, there is a "Basic Text" called the Big Book.
Within that 500+ pages of writing are many stories from alcoholics who stopped drinking and started living. As well as the first 164 pages which outline the 12 Step programme.
An excerpt from one of the stories is shared every day in meetings around the world as a "key to life's problems." commonly known as "Acceptance is the answer":
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, Page 417
Something I love to do is to break great pieces of texts down into it's simplest parts to understand it line by line.
Too often, people smile and nod to show they understand. But, they have no idea what's going on and are too scared to admit it.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
To accept comes:
directly from Latin acceptare "take or receive willingly," frequentative of accipere "receive, get without effort,"
Source: Etymo Online
To say something is the "answer to all my problems" in my mind, speaks to the mental nature of perception, and an "attitude of gratitude"
The truth is that anything can be a problem.
Or nothing can be a problem.
What makes it a problem, is a matter of perception.
By "receiving willingly" what life has given me today, I can begin to make peace with it, and myself. I mean, my emotions and reactions to those problems.
The "attitude of gratitude" means "nothing happens in God's world by mistake.""
Personally, death, breakups, and business setbacks are hard to accept. It's often a bitter pill to swallow.
But not accepting difficult times, doesn't change them.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me,
The opposite of acceptance, therefore becomes an inability to "receive willingly."
I refuse to accept someone I love has died.
I cannot let go of a broken relationship.
I am unable to realise I need a new job or this business is failing.
This disturbs me.
Disturbance comes:
from destourber, from Latin disturbare "throw into disorder,"
Source: Etymo Online
Basically, I can't let it go.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Acceptance is often not instantaneous.
The only thing instant in 12 step recovery is the coffee.
Coming to terms with a loved one's death can take time. So can letting go of a once-enduring, loving relationship. And, recovering from a "changed path" in life can take time, too.
But it will go faster if you see it for what it is.
and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Serenity comes:
Of persons, "tranquility of mind or temper," by 1590s. Also formerly used as a title of honor for kings (mid-15c.), probably from the similar use of Latin serenitas, which was applied to Roman emperors and later to popes.
Source: Etymo Online
Finding peace in one's mind, is a key component of recovery and I feel a successful life.
This feeling of serenity is essentially being able to be "present" and accept life on life's terms.
And accepting, that things are exactly as they are meant to be.
Even if it's really painful and on the face of it makes no sense at all.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.
This is certainly easier said than done.
It can raise some "religious scepticism." 12-step recovery is spiritual, not religious.
We do not align with any religion. It may alienate non-believers.
However it can be hard to accept great pain and grief as "not being a mistake."
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.
This is a pretty deep sentence.
Acceptance of my alcoholism, transcends beyond admitting my problem.
And embraces the things that I need to do in order to keep my alcoholism and my "stinking thinking" at bay.
The same can be true for any problems we face in life.
As we face our problems head on and share them with others.
Our grief of losing a loved one.
Our anger at a relationship break down.
The only way to get "over" this is to go "through" it.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
If we focus on how to be better, not on changing others, the world will be happier.
A philosophy I return to often as I improve myself in recovery and life.
Especially my attitude. It often reveals a lack of respect and adoration. I should have them when I feel sorry for myself on tough days.
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